Saturday 18 May 2019

A Little Eruption

As we get to the end of the twelfth fast, I am beginning to find myself getting tired. I am quite sleep deprived and I wonder if perhaps I am eating enough of the right foods.  I am also struggling with managing long hours on my feet in the kitchen, before and after iftar and managing the needs of my in-laws.  Between work and the Ramadan routine we have fallen into, there is very little time to even keep up with housework or reading Quran.

Today I thought I would give myself a break and order takeaway. Except we got to iftar, Little Man went and collected the food and before long there was squabbling over the drinks, Not just the kids either, the grandparents decided they wanted what the kids had.  I couldn’t take it any more. I shouted at them, one minute before iftar, when I should have been making dua.  I have asked for peace during that little window, just so that I can make dua in peace. I don’t think I asked for much.  I took my food and ate with the door shut in my bedroom.

I felt guilty and a little anxious about leaving everyone to it.  I didn’t enjoy my meal, even if I got some quiet.  I did however come to two conclusions:

1. The Ramadan routine is not fixed, if I am finding it all too much, I can change it.  I am thinking less and simpler food and everyone gets exactly the same of everything – they’ll still find something to squabble over, but I won’t be paying for drinks only for them to all start eyeing up the same one.

2. I have always held my tongue with my elders, but my in-laws may need to be given some gentle reminders about what I can manage and that provoking the kids is not helpful to me.  Hubby may also need some slightly less gentle reminders: i.e. if you can eat it in one dish, please don’t use two, unless you want to wash all fifty that seem to have appeared in the kitchen.  The kids may be getting the least gentle reminders if they are not careful, of the “do you want Eid cancelled?” variety.

We have another 17 or 18 fasts to go insh’Allah and I don’t want to spend all of them feeling like a Zombie with marshmallows for brains and a sore back, so I need to make some changes so that the month passes with a little more worship and a little less shouting at kids and the elderly.

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