Today was my last day at work before my maternity leave begins. What a relief. I've had weeks of sweltering in a glass office, feeling sleepy and overheated and trying to appear professional and not the hot, sticky, sleepy mess that I have been feeling. I spent my last day trying very hard not to fall off my chair. I tried food, chocolate, a mocha, walking around, cold water, going to the loo every little while (not surprising given all the water and mocha I drank) and still thought I was going to keel over. In the end I said I was going somewhere cool for 10 minutes as I could not concentrate and was overheating. I went to the quiet room which is used for prayers, set my alarm for fifteen minutes and promptly fell fast asleep. I woke up after about ten minutes, came back to my desk and borrowed someone’s fan and spent the rest of the morning with it trained on my face. If it hadn't been for the nap and the fan, I wouldn't have made it through my last day.
So no more waking up at 6:30am, no more wearing sensible office shoes, or any shoes if I can help it. No more forcing myself to stay upright and pretend to be concentrating at work, when I am feeling so sleepy I just want to lie on the floor. No more eating to stay awake. No more getting so hot I can’t think straight and wondering if it’s just me or if it is actually that hot. No more feeling like an out of place, not very smart or professional looking blimp. No more giving people a shock when they ask me if it’s my first baby and I tell them it’s my fifth.
As of this evening, I have a few weeks to rest and get myself and my home organised. My hospital bags are packed, my birth plan is completed and I have been thinking about where we would fit the clothing and paraphernalia for another baby, so will be spending time moving things around to accommodate everything.
Over the last few days I have been thinking about what I will be doing during the rest of the year at home with the kids. I spent some time going over the goals I wrote for myself at the start of the year, just before I realised I was pregnant (including “I will do my Masters this year no matter what” – except a new baby it turns out!). I've used the templates at the start of the 2014 Muslimah Inspiration Journal I created at the end of last year as well as some others (such as Productive Muslim’s one here, Scott Dinsmore’s Live Your Legend 2014 Goal Setting and Action Workbook here and Leonie Dawson’s 2014 Create Your Amazing Year Life Edition Workbook and Planner here). I also found any old documents saved in various drives and e-mail folders that mention any kind of goal or creative idea or wishlist and extracted any sections that were still relevant. So I have a long list of goals, plans, dreams, bucket lists and intentions to work on and plan. I have been breaking them down into what I want to achieve this year, next year or in subsequent years and mapping them out in one place. The whole process has left me feeling excited, energised and looking forward to the rest of the year insh’Allah. At the same time I am mindful that my body can’t keep up with my brain and everything needs to happen in small steps. The next few months will also be about taking care of a tiny baby, potty training a toddler, helping Little Lady settle into secondary school, tying to find some kind of tuition for Little Man to help him prepare for his 11+ exams the following year. So lots to do, but I believe in taking whatever small action whenever you can.
I found that one of my goals for 2014 was to help the kids have the best summer holidays ever. So far they have been complaining it’s their second worst holidays ever (last year Ramadan was during the holidays and we couldn't do anything at all with them). So I have asked them all to make a list of things they want to do that are sensible, reasonable and affordable. Little Lady wants to bake cupcakes and do crafts with me, Little Man included clay modelling and a midnight feast in his list. Gorgeous handed me a list that said:
Clearly the boy has no concept of sensible and I’ll have to try and help him think of something that I can actually afford and manage to do.
In the meantime, I have Kooks vintage style bridal shower this weekend that I am hosting in my mums garden, an aqeeqah to think about, another Great Gatsby-inspired bridal shower that my sister-in-law is hosting the day before my baby is due and Kook’s henna and wedding which are about a week after my due date. Before all of that though, I'm having another long nap and liberal doses of Gaviscon.
Normal Calm by Hend Hegazi
4 weeks ago