Monday 12 January 2009

Missing Gran

It’s been nearly six weeks since my gran passed away and I suppose things are settling down. People are still coming to pay their respects at the weekend and I suppose they will for some time as she was widely-known and well-loved. I haven’t cried and I haven’t even most of the time felt particularly sad despite being one of the people she was closest to. I could not work out why this was except perhaps that there were no regrets between us. She lived with me for two years, we use to have long chats, she would watch over my little ones and nag my husband. When she moved in with my parents I would visit her on my days off from work and catch up. She told me about her life and about my family’s history (respectfully omitting all the scandal – that I got from my mum) and she spoke to me about how much she missed all the people that went before her and left her behind: her husband, her brother, her parents - all of whom she idolised (may Allah grant them Jannah insh'Allah)

I felt like we parted on the best of terms.

Over the weekend though, I visited my mum on Friday night and the children caused havoc as usual, tiring my mum out. I thought I would give her a break on Saturday and didn't visit. It came to me that if gran was here she would have wanted to know why I hadn't been, she would be waiting for us all restlessly and no matter how much the kids annoyed everyone, ripped wallpaper and caused mayhem, she would have been over the moon to see us.

I really, really missed that welcoming presence. There is a gap in that home where wisdom, barakah and worship used to reside.

Of course I could not stay away. The pull of my mums couch, television and delicious food is too strong for that and of course she makes us welscome, but I do miss the one person whose welcome was so unconditionally loving and joyful.

May Allah grant her ease in the next world and a home in jannah insh'Allah with those she loved. Ameen


  1. aslamu alakum
    loosing a loved one takes time to get over , seeing that empty space int he home as empty takes time to get over. I know your pain sister , i lost my father at the age of 5yrs old but i recall, more recently my Dh's sister died and she was the ronak of the family home, when she got married i felt a loss and going to the family home in Algeria was never the same again that barakha had left with her, it took time but we slowly got over see i knpw see these are all the mercy's in life from Allah he was preparing us for far worse when she was killed suddenly this last MAY. Really it was a hard blow for the family and i never thought my Mil would get through this Allah Al Must'aan. Dua for gran is all tat can help her now and charity in her name. The pain, the loss of ronak and sadness will get beter as time is the greatest healer. Be there for mum as she may need you more in these times, perhaps get dh to sit the kids while you pop over if only for an 1hr but more frequent. Sometimes being together helps the grieving process as i witnessed in Algeria.

  2. You ans S and the kids are always welcome to come round -just muzzle the kids from time to time!

  3. Asalaamu Alaikhum,

    Your comment left a lump in my throat, and reminded me of the times when my gran was here too, it will be 3 years next week when she had left us but it easily feels like 3 days.

    I will make dua's for your nan as well, Inshallah they have reached a much more peacful place x

  4. Assalam-alaikam Sister Rainbow,
    Thank you for sharing, I think you know how I must be feeling and you are right, the best thing we can do now is to pray and give charity in her name.
    (If the kids thought I was heading for their nan's house without them there'd be mutiny)

    Is that an offer to baby-sit?

    Assalam-alaikam Anonymous,
    Thank you for your dua's, I think sometimes we underestimate how precious these are.