Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Quiet Rage

When I am angry I tend to shout swear and jump up and down, and then promptly forget all about it in about ten or fifteen minutes. But when I am reeeaally fuming I sit stone still and silent. I’m in one of those funks right now.

One of the reasons I started blogging was because I returned to work from maternity leave to find that I had lost my hard-earned grade, most of my staff and a lot of my work areas. I could do nothing about it. I fumed and fumed and sat there with literally no work to do. Then I thought about the other things in my life, the things that I enjoyed and was good at and that sustained me. I began to write.

Around the same time I came across the Muslim blogosphere and found pretty much a continuous stream of arguing, whinging and complaining about just about everything. I thought this is NOT what all Muslims are like. Our faith is beautiful, many of us are fortunate enough to have positive family lives and face a lot of the same issues that non-Muslims do, like being a working parent. We have creative lives and we have inner lives which can be so joyful. We also have a sense of humour, which was certainly not coming across. So I began to blog.

Anyway, back to the fuming. I have another big batch of typing on my desk. I DO NOT WANT TO TOUCH IT. It is not worth the sore fingers and aching wrists. I have a month till I leave this section and piles of other work to do. I should be grateful I have work, especially in the current work climate. I should just get on with it and get it over and done with – my notebook has a sticker I stuck on it that says “be led by what you are trying to avoid”. I can’t see any benefit of doing that right now. Aside from that, the particular person who has sent me the work is now calling me and chasing me to get it done (I got the batch ten minutes ago).

The last time I felt like this, it ended in a creative explosion for me: writing, blogging, learning to take pictures, engaging more with my crafts and intense introspection. I wonder where it will lead to this time?

4 comments:

  1. As Salaam Alaikum, just hang in there and be patient. Just think good happy thoughts...think about your children smiling and laughing :) InshaAllah you will be feeling better soon.

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  2. Fashionista14 January, 2009

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  3. Assalam-alaikam Sister Maryandippity,
    Thank you for your kind words, I let my manager know exactly how I felt yesterday, I think that will be my new thing with people and the change I will be making - assertiveness.

    Fash,
    I am deleting your comment because you shouldn't be putting the name of a certain place (!!!) in it and of course, as always, you talk rubbish. You might just have a point about re-routing my phone back to the switchboard though...

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  4. Awww i am sorry , letting off steam is one way good for you.

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