Mad Hatters Tea Party at Valentines Mansion

Shutterbug Sister recently alerted me to the "Find Your London" festival which celebrates London’s outdoor spaces such as gardens, parks and markets.  There are a series of events up until 28th March across London, you can see the full list in the brochure here.

We took the kids along to the one nearest to us at Valentines Mansion, where a Mad Hatters Tea Party was taking place, with the theme from the famous scene in the book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

We decided to make an afternoon of it and met my sisters and my sister-in-law there with my neice.

I really liked all the themed detail that had been created, like the sign below that says "we are all mad", a line from the book (you can see more of this theme at my sister Harlequin's Mad Hatter Eid Tea Party last year).

Lots of the kids were dressed up as characters from the book, including two little boys who were dressed as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee like the sign below.

There was lots for the kids to do including croquet, quoits (where you throw a hoop made of rope over a peg), a stepping stone type game, a fruit kebab stall, face painting and a small tea cup ride for little children. We put Darling and my neice on the teacup ride and they immediately had a fight over the steering wheel while we all called " no hitting" at them.

The little girls were enamoured with the giant biscuit stand and of course they all wanted the same biscuit and were ready to fight for it.

There were people dressed up as characters from the book that were great fun.  At one point they got Little Man to say that the Queen of Hearts was beautiful, much to his embarrassment, while I had a good laugh.

My favourite bit of the afternoon was when the Queen got all of the little children to hold hands and form hoops so that she can play croquet using the smallest children as hedgehogs/balls that run through the hoops (in the books the Queens guards form the hoops, flamingoes are croquet mallets and little hedgehogs are the balls).

Darling and Princess Cheeky formed one of the hoops much to our aahing and taking way too many photos.

We also went inside and wandered through the house for a bit.  There were simple craft activities indoors, but my older kids were not interested and the little ones too small, so we gave them a miss.

The house is lovely, with big bay windows, antique furniture and stained glass windows.

This bed had a sign asking people not to sit on it.  I warned my boys not to get on it (like last time we visited) and it was barely a minute before another group came in and one of the adults sggested they get on the bed.

It was a nice afternoon, a bit of distraction for the kids and a nice day in the park.  With the Easter break coming up, I'm looking forward to seeing what else we might go along to.

Sometimes I Don’t Like Being A Mother: Or What I Did When I Had Had Enough

A good friend once told me she experienced guilt because after trying to have conceive for many years, when she finally had children, she found she didn’t like it much sometimes.

It’s not something anyone wants to admit.  Sometimes people don’t like being parents.  I find I love being a mum, but occasionally find myself not liking the doing part of being a mum – breaking up arguments, dirty nappies, potty training, sleepless nights, making food that everyone decides they don’t want to eat, putting someone to bed for the third time or dragging them into the bathroom because they won’t brush their teeth.  It can feel like there are a million things you are dying to do, but you are stuck doing the hundred things you don’t want to do for the hundredth time.

I sometimes get to the end of my weekend and find myself running out of time, I have to defer some chores and tasks for the next weekend.  Some I decide I will do through the week, others I cannot leave and start to get through as fast as I can (uniforms, work clothes, dinner, packed lunches, bath time etc).  It’s usually around this time I started to get a little stressed.  Today it was at this time that the older kids decided to leave their food half eaten and the babies decided they didn’t want to eat their food.  While I was trying to coax the babies into eating, the boys decided to eat fruit instead and made a big mess in the kitchen.  With everything else piling up I decided that enough was enough. 

Some yelling happened, I managed to make my throat hurt, I managed not to say anything mean, but they knew I was not having any more: wasted food, wasted time spent cooking, always someone who decided it’s not what they wanted to eat and what really set me off – one of the boys deciding that they wanted to use one particular glass rather than another which they would never use, because they saw a fly sitting on it once – really? Seriously?  How many things are off limits in our kitchen having been rendered unusable/unclean because something may have sat on it/buzzed near it/looked at it?  This coming from the kid I once caught picking up his little potty training potty that had been left in the garden and drinking rain water out of it (thankfully he then threw it up).  In fact next time he tells me he can never use that glass or spoon, I’m going to remind him of his potty cup.

After the shouting, the boys disappeared ridiculously quickly and Baby sauntered off because nothing bothers her as long as she is free to continue on her trail of destruction.  In contrast Darling held onto me and sobbed breathlessly, pleading with me to “be kind mummy, be kind”.  I told her she had to eat her dinner first – so at least one of them managed to eat.

Then I did the thing that helps me every time I get like this.  The one thing that is counter-intuitive and I don’t want to do.  I swallowed my pride, picked up Darling and cuddled her in my lap.  I held her until I felt better and she was soothed and a little less breathless.  I left the mess in the kitchen, the dishes to be washed.  I got the older kids to help finish some of the chores and help bath and change the babies.  I put them all in bed and ignored the whispering and giggling.

Then I sat down to write, let it all out, try to find some perspective.  My husband came home shortly after and I vented a little.  I got him to agree to take them boys with him to the masjid on weekends.  I made an intention to stop making different foods so that everyone has something they want to eat.  Instead I am going to make them lentils, or veg for the next few days – they can take it or leave it.

Then I reminded myself how lucky I was to have them, how much they meant to me and all of the things I loved about each and every one of them.

image source

Spring Equinox - Waiting for Warmer Days

Today was the vernal equinox, or spring equinox as it is also known, the time when night and day are about equal and spring starts in the northern hemisphere as autumn arrives in the southern hemisphere. We don't celebrate it in any way, it is just such a nice thought that spring is here and there is a promise of warmer weather and longer days.

I go into a kind of semi-hibernation in winter, staying out of the garden or the park and only venturing out if I have to or for a walk when I need some exercise.  Today was as good a day as any to dust off the cobwebs and take the kids to the park.

I got much better pictures of daffodils than the last time.  Then I had to tell the boys to stop running into them.

The trees are mostly still bare, I have seen the slightest hint of blossom in the fewest places, it's still too cold here.

The babies loved duck-watching and it was lovely to let them run around for a good while.

They were absolutely exhausted when they got home and fell asleep for a good long nap.

Ice Age Exhibition

I popped into my local library recently to find this replica mammoth skull and tusks by the main desk.  They were there to promote the libraries Ice Age exhibition, which showcases remains of Ice Age animals found in our neighbourhood.  The remains are on loan from the Natural History Museum, who retain the mammoth which was found with almost the whole skeleton.

I had to take the kids back to have a look the next day.

The exhibition included mammoth teeth, rhino bones and bones from giant horses, wild cattle, beavers and deer.  We searched the maps to see where near our home the remains had been found very close to where we live and where the children's school is now.

   
There was a display of the equipment the Victorian archaeologists used when recovering the finds.  

One thing I noticed was how beautifully hand-written the labels on the bones are.  A bit of an art I think and one generally lost in this time of typing on computers.

The exhibition was a nice little diversion for a Saturday morning for the kids and nice because its the type of things my boys are fascinated by. It was also nice to learn more about the place we live.

Picture of the Day: 15.03.16 - Daffodils

I have been seeing daffodils since December and trying to get a half decent picture of them since. We always seem to be going past in the car, or they are in someones front garden and I am reluctant to sneak in and start taking photos with all of the other mums going past on the school run thinking I am a weirdo.

This picture is pretty terrible, but it was the best I could manage for now.

Daffodils always cheer me up as they tell me the long, grey winter is coming to an end.  This year the very warm weather in December meant they came up about two months early, then it got very cold in February and I thought they would die.  But they have proved hardy and are still everywhere on my travels, providing a burst if colour.

Picture of the Day - 11.03.16: Mammoth Bones

It's not every day you unexpectedly happen across mammoth bones in your local library.  I was visiting to sort a litany of outstanding book problems: missing books, overdue fines and lost cards, when this loomed up as I walked up to queue for help:

The bones were found very close to where I live and then donated to the Natural History Museum. I got quite excited thinking this was the original, until I realised it was a replica. I can't wait to take the kids back to have a proper look at the weekend.

Word of the Year 2016: Health - February Update

During February I updated on my word of the year: Health, one month into the year. I gave a rundown on how I was doing, what I was changing and what I thought I still needed to do. A few sisters expressed an interest in following along with my journey to get healthier and I thought it would be a good way to hold myself to account if I updated on how I was doing each month. Well my update for February summed up in another one word is: unimpressive. To say the least. I think I spent the month not walking enough, not going out enough (it so cold here), enjoying my food too much, eating out with family and friends and making all sorts of excuses.

So my task at the moment is twofold – to monitor what I am doing and to inspire myself to do the right things. For the first I have added the MyFitnessPal app to my phone. This tracks my steps, calorie intake and water consumption. I haven’t gone for this kind of thing before because calorie counting never seemed to me to be the right route to go down. But at the very least I am hoping that it will put some facts and numbers behind what I think is happening – how much am I really moving and eating. How many steps is enough and after roughly how much food do I have to eat. In actual facts I am finding that even with a desk job I am getting 2-3,000 steps in easily during working hours. In addition, having to log what I am eating and stay below a certain limit (the app has recommended 1,200 calories a day to lose weight), has made me more careful about what I am eating and has brought the competitive side out in me. 

I am usually well into the day and still well below my limit, but because I have been sensible about my food choices, I don’t feel too hungry. I’m also finding it is kind of fun to find the food you are eating in the app and seeing what its calorie and nutrition content is. I was also surprised because I drink more water than I thought I did.  The other benefit about inputting calories is that comparing the difference in between a healthy meal (low calorie) and one chocolate biscuit or bar (ridiculously high) is putting me off sweet foods, it just doesn't seem worth it when one chocolate seems to take up most of my days allowance of calories.  

An example of breakfast and lunch and how many calories - 21 calories for a tub full of salad, compared to 90 for one chocolate digestive (I'll pretend you can't see the minus figures in red):

Most days I am going slightly over my calorie allowance, but it doesn't get me down.  What seems more important is that I am learning about where I fall down, my weaknesses and trying to get into better habits. I will stick with this for a while and see how it goes.

I am still trying new foods, experimenting with baking, grilling, roasting and eating raw.  I am trying to include veg absolutely everywhere I can and trying to cut down carbohydrates to a more sensible portion which is new for me because we tend to accompany every meal with chapatti, rice, chips, bread or mash potato.

Roast fish and vegetables

The other thing I am doing is thinking about how I can try and inspire myself by asking questions such as: how can food still be pleasurable without being unhealthy? How can I enjoy movement and feel positive and grateful about my body?  I don't feel bad, I don't feel guilty, I am not doing the usual negative self-talk and I don't feel like I just want to give up.  Alhamdulillah I feel positive and upbeat and I feel good about myself.

"But one thing is certain: the Puritans got it all wrong. Pleasure in how we eat, move and live is hard-wired into our body’s multi-dimensional circuitry. It’s necessary to keep the body alive" ~ Ali Shapiro

"What could we do - who would we be in the world, if we didn’t waste all that energy worrying about what is wrong with our bodies? It is my humble and considered view, that we would become un-freakin-stoppable." ~ Sas Petherick in the Body Stories

Mothers Day

As my kids are still so young, I don’t expect too much from them, so I am always happy with what they give me for Mothers Day. Most years Shutterbug Sister will take them to get something for me under the pretext of taking them out for a while.

I loved how they spent the whole morning and the day before whispering amongst themselves and trying to look discreet. Then after giving me their gifts, Little Man told me he knew I would know, saying “You always know mum, why can’t we ever surprise you?”

This year I got this abstract-patterned scarf which I loved and wore straight away and flowers and plenty of chocolate alhamdulillah.

Whenever I think of Mothers Day I think of us all gathering at my mum’s house, babies and big bouquets of flowers everywhere and chocolate to share.

This year we all managed to meet the day before, so Mothers Day itself was quiet. I still spent the day catching up on housework as I tend to do on Sundays, but I made time to pop out alone and treat myself to new walking shoes. I treated us to yummy chow mein made with left over roast chicken and lots of veg and I made some time to read before bed.

I love this montage Shutterbug Sister took of my mums flowers and gifts, so colourful and pretty mash'Allah.

image source

Visiting My Brother on the Other Side of the River

It feels like ages since we all last got together. My brother and sister in law live in the south of the city (across the river as we like to tease her) and Fashionista is now an hour outside of London. So it is always a matter of all of us siblings trying to be at central HQ (my mum’s house J) on the same day, which is rare to happen due to extended family and social commitments not lining up with each other. The other option is for someone to put all the effort in and host the others. This weekend it was my brother who invited the whole family over. It was a treat to see all the babies at the same time (my two, fashionista’s lovely little girl and my brothers cheeky little princess).

The other bonus is my sister in law’s fabulous cooking, and the bonus of her mum’s biryani which was also brought to the table. Mash’Allah they can both really cook and the food is always so nicely presented that it is a feast for the eyes as well as the tongue.

We took the opportunity of being on the other side of the river to visit my sister-in-law’s sister who has just had a baby. I got to hold the baby and he fell asleep in my arms. She asked me if I’d be having another next year, I told her it was not my turn!

We came back to find the kids watching old movies with hubby, my dad and both my brothers-in-law. The little girls had taken every single toy my niece owns out of her toy box. Baby’s contribution to playing was to sidle up to the bin and throw one toy in at a time for us to fish out.

Alhamdulillah, we have been through so much cat-fighting and squabbling in my family in the past. People not talking for years or taking every opportunity to take pot shots at each other. It gives me so much pleasure and hope that the next generation all get on like friends and that every petty thing does not set us off, we try to help each other when we can and give each the benefit of the doubt if we have to. It makes me positive that we are creating a good environment for our children where they can go to extended family and feel loved, supported and secure. I hope they grow up feeling part of this tribe that wishes them well and wills them forward in life.

The best thing, after being fed and catching up, was that the kids were so tired by the time we got back across the river and home, that they went straight to bed and fell asleep.

Finding Bliss through Mindful Homemaking

I was raised in a generation where girls were being told that if we worked hard enough we could be equal to men in the workplace. In tandem with this the traditional work of women – housework and childrearing was relegated to non-work, or at least work that was not valued as equal to work that requires a qualification and earns wages. This meant that identity and value as people got tied up with what we could achieve academically and in the workplace: how much we earned, how high we could promoted and the depth of our expertise. Just the same as it has always been for men I suppose.

Growing up I heard all the lectures about how girls my age in Pakistan could manage a whole household and do all of the chores. I spent all my time trying to sneak off so I could read my book rather than be instructed on how to cook. As an adult I viewed chores as something to get out of the way so that I could have fun, or do something I actually wanted to do. Over time I found routines for myself and my family to get things done and out of the way. By the time I had five children, I was so overwhelmed that I could no longer get everything done and even when I did move fast enough to get some housework done, there were little people following me around undoing it all and making a mess all over again. It could all feel so pointless.

It took me about a year as the mum of five to start re-establishing some routines which allowed me to balance home, work and self-care. I had to drop my standards regarding my home and learn to live with a minimum level of mess, accept I could not do everything I need to with the kids and accept I might look a bit more frumpy than I used to, wearing whatever loose clothing I could find and with Baby forever wiping snot or food on me.

Now that my youngest is a year and five months, I have done a few things. I started clearing and de-cluttering the house one small space at a time so that there is less for me to manage. I got back on top of the kids routines: getting the older ones to pray, organising some tuition for Little Man in preparation for his primary school SAT’s and getting both the boys to do some writing and maths practice every evening (Gorgeous is proud to note that every teacher he has had from Reception to Year 4 has complained about his handwriting). I have bought myself some new dresses and scarves and a pair of shoes that is not completely flat, I even refuse to allow Baby to slime me. I feel soooo much better at the moment, if still a bit too tired at the end of each day.

But this time round something in me changed. I didn’t just want to tick all of the boxes and get everything done. I don’t want to speed through my days doing things and feeling like I am in some kind of break-neck sprint to get to the end of the day and get my to-do list done. After a while the pleasure of getting your to-do list completed is surpassed by the discomfort of feeling rushed all of the time and is if you are doing just enough to get things over and done with rather than doing things carefully and properly.

While I was looking around and doing research for my blog I came across women who treat the domestic sphere of home and children not as chores but as their life’s purpose. As much as I have always been very clear with myself that my children and husband are my number one priority in life, there is a subtle shift in approach. This is from the home-maker being a harried martyr taking care of everyone to someone who falls into the rhythm of the home and family, savouring the tasks and activities and treating them like an art rather than a nuisance.

Just a shift in perspective, but it blew me away. Home-making as an art. Organising your home, managing your larder, cooking, making your home look clean and beautiful, turning it into a sanctuary for your family – all of these are things that matter to me sand which I want to do well. But doing it in a way that is mindful, conscientious and slow. Doing one thing at a time and doing it in the best way you can, without cutting corners or rushing. Doing it so that you find pleasure in it and so that it is not something to get done so that you can enjoy the remnants of your day, but an enjoyable and fulfilling part of your day.

I suppose this brings me back to something I wrote at the end of last year on finding balance (Finding Balance Again) through taking care of different parts of your life: family, career , self, home, without neglecting or focussing on one too much. We tend to give importance to family and work, but our home-making is sometimes seen as a less valuable use of our limited time and often not a space for us to find satisfaction and pleasure.

I am currently grappling with how quickly the weeks and month feel as if they are flying by. I hate the idea of trying to get through the week so that I can enjoy the weekend. It feels a bit like wishing away your days. I want my weekdays to be as good as my weekends. I want each day to be good and productive, to feel like a weekend. For me home-making takes up a good chunk of my time. I don’t want a significant portion of each day to be something to be over and done with while I wait for the fun to roll on at the end of the week.

This thinking is leading me to slow down and think more about how I spend my days and evenings. How do I build fun into my working day, how do I steer my working day towards a place where I can look forward to Monday as much as Friday? How do I make my evening’s as enjoyable and restful as the weekend? A big part of this for me is learning to love home-making. Treating it as the art it is. I am doing less in the evenings, but what I do, I try to do properly.

I am taking the time to make meals I know we will all love. I am trying to avoid take-away, use healthy ingredients and enjoy the process of cooking and serving meals. I am trying to learn all that I can about food and healthy eating.

I am taking one small, manageable part of the home each day, a single drawer or shelf, one kitchen cupboard and making it as clean, tidy, attractive and well organised as I can. In the short term this means that less gets done, in the long term each area is easier to maintain for longer and is pleasant to use.

I am trying to establish strong routines so that I can keep on top of laundry, dirty bathrooms and rooms that Baby likes to leave trails of everyone’s things through like Hansel and Gretel (we could never lose her, just follow where it looks like a tornado hit).

And the good thing is I am enjoying it. I like feeling unrushed, I am starting to be okay with leaving things unfinished for the day. I am asking the question at the end of each day, how can this day be wonderful? What can I do to make it as good as the weekend? Sometimes I grab the kids and go visit my mum, sometimes I decided to take an hour out and watch something on my laptop with my daughter, sometimes I’ll give myself the luxury of an hour to sit and read.

Sometimes life feels so short, that’s why rather than keep going as fast as I can to some undetermined destination or achievement that will mean I am finally “there” or happy, I want to enjoy the journey insh’Allah and that means all of the different parts of it.

Asma (radi Allahu anha) reported that she approached the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) on behalf of women and mentioned that men excelled women due to their participation in Friday and congregational prayers, visiting the sick, attending funeral prayers, performing the Hajj and Umra, and due to their participation in Jihad. The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) replied: "Go and inform the women that their beautification for their husbands, discharging their rights, seeking their pleasure and obeying them is equal in reward (to the above mentioned acts) of men." [Kanz-ul-Amaal]

If you're a full-time homemaker by choice or circumstance, never let anyone tell you that working in your home, cooking for your family, sewing and knitting, cleaning your nest and organising the lives of your family is not important work. Sure it can be tiring at times, all jobs are, but from where I stand, in my grandmothering years, I know that I have done my best work here at home. I'm just an ordinary woman and I don't know much, but this I know, with certainty, when you actively take control of your life and your home, when you plan and make decisions and don't leave things to chance, you will be paid back in ways you never expected. Take control, plan your work spaces, organise your family and your work and then sit back to enjoy the fruits of all that with the people you love. But don't expect it to be perfect, learn from your mistakes and celebrate your successes. It's that simple.  - From here by Rhonda Jean Hetzel at one of my favourite blogs Down to Earth

I think homemakers are the backbone of the nation. We are the ones who soothe shattered nerves when our workers and students come home. We make life more comfortable with warm food to fill bellies and clean sheets on the beds. We are the ones who stretch grocery dollars to make sure we get value for money and keep healthy food on the table. We balance the books, make do on little, mend, recycle and work away quietly to create a happy home. - From here by Rhonda Jean Hetzel at one of my favourite blogs Down to Earth