Wednesday 15 July 2015

Ramadan Journal 2015: Day 15 to Day 21

Day 15 – Iftar

Since the beginning of Ramadan, the kids have been quite rowdy at iftar time. Between work, trying to get some sleep, prayers and making the iftar meal, I haven’t had time to feed them all beforehand, so they have been eating with us when we break our fast. The older kids stay up for prayers so would be awake anyway and I have been letting the babies sleep later so they can sleep for longer into the morning whilst their dad is away and their grandmother who has the during the day can get some respite.

By about mid-Ramadan, I was truly fed up of the squabbling and moaning when I just wanted a few minutes peace to make dua and eat something in peace. I love the idea of peaceful and positive parenting, but on this occasion I lost it and yelled at everyone. My mum-in-law hates yelling and it upset her a bit and I was so annoyed I couldn’t eat anything that evening. I banned computer time, sweets, take-away food, all gifts and treats including the “unhealthy” Friday treat they are allowed by the school in their pack lunch. While I was at it I cancelled Eid too, or at least Eid presents.

Ever since they have been quite good, I am sticking to my guns on treats and eid presents for now.

Day 16 – Capture

This is where I am supposed to post a picture of a perfectly captured, beautiful Ramadan moment. This Ramadan has so not been like that. The nearest thing on this day is my Asr (afternoon) prayer. As much as I struggle to bring sincerity and concentration in my prayers, the Friday Asr prayer is a special one for me and I always make time to pray it peacefully and in an unhurried way.

Day 17 – Wish

One of my favourite things about Ramadan has been to make dua with utter abandon – the important, the urgent, the things I would like to have or do, my problems, my anxieties and worries, my hopes and my deepest desires – everything comes up in the form of dua. It leaves me feeling so blessed and hopeful.

Day 18 – Make

This week I need to print off the new poster and banner I am making for Eid. The colour scheme that captivated me was this ombre blue, purple and pink Moroccan style quatrefoil print, I will make the “Eid Mubarak” banner in colours to match.

Day 19 – Read

I am trying to make more time to read Quran at the moment, but when I am able to read, such as during my daily commute, at the moment I am reading Broken Verses by Kamila Shamsie. It feels both familiar (about Pakistan) and strange (but not really a Pakistan I recognise).

Day 20 – Me, Today

I found this Ramadan challenging due to the sleep deprivation, at one point I was starting to feel a little distressed at the thought that I could not cope and was just weaving in and out of wakefulness at work trying not to fall off my chair. It got so bad that I just made desperate and intense dua asking Allah (SWT) to help me get through the month in a way that I felt I was trying to earn some of its blessings, not just stumble through the days. Since then I have been okay Alhamdulillah, tired, but no more than outside of Ramadan and able to get through the day either with a short nap after work some days or without any extra sleep on others. I truly feel as if I was not coping and Allah (SWT) had mercy and made things easier for me.

Day 21 – Smile

This little girl makes me smile so much. She is my mini me in so many ways, not least that her default is happy and she loves to smile. Every time I turn to look at her, I get an enormous smile that just lights up her eyes. She is crawling at full speed and is just cutting both her top teeth. She is absolutely fearless about abseiling off beds and sofa’s holding onto anyone that is nearby, rocking full speed on Darlings little rocking horse or trying to jump off wherever she happens to be.

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