Monday 2 June 2014

Comments I Do Not Appreciate

“It’s good you are raising your children rough” – mum’s friend. What? Does he mean like wolves?  (I think she was referring to the fact that we sit on the floor to eat in the sunnah way)

“Ohhh, you’re boy looks like a Somali” – mum’s friend again, said with distaste. What can I even say, except I think Little Man is gorgeous with his dusky colouring and very full lips, I have always thought Somali kids are absolutely gorgeous and I think you should be kinder about other people’s children.

Slaps my hand “Oh you’ve got your priorities straight” – women I met on Hajj after I told her I work and have children and before she lectured me on why I should be at home.

“Don’t worry Umm Salihah has spots and doesn’t care” – relative to her daughter who was worrying about her spots.

“Don’t worry, Umm Salihah has wonky teeth and does she care?” – same relative to her daughter who was fretting about her teeth. I had braces for two years as a teenager, including a horrid head brace, I do not have wonky teeth, I like my teeth!

“Oh you still live in that old house” – said with disdain by the very insecure wife of my husband’s friend. Yeah buddy, it’s old, it needs a lick of paint, but it’s mine and it’s a happy home for my kids and a sanctuary for me. Which I know is more than you could say.

"You’re backside has grown" – my Mum
"You’re backside is bigger" – a work colleague
“She’s gained weight hasn’t she?! – Dad-in-law to mum-in-law whilst I am sitting right there.
Yes I’m pregnant with my fifth child and my seventh pregnancy, my backside is bigger, I’m not going to win any “rear of the year contest” right now.

“Euuuggh, who dresses like that?” – Gorgeous about my new grey trousers and tunic. I didn’t quite understand this until Little Man pointed out it was the same colour as their school uniform so it looked strange on a grown up. I do wonder what pops into my younger sons head sometimes.

People: manners, respect, kindness. It’s part of our faith.
Please try to manage your insecurities in a better way than taking it our on people who seem like easy targets or who don’t care to pick you up on every silly little remark.
Plus I like my teeth and my kids and my home and my life as they are, so who cares.


  1. Anonymous02 June, 2014

    Salam Sister,

    You are absolutely right! I never ever understand WHY people put their noses into somebody else's stuff.
    It can be the smallest thing, it can even come from your close family ,if it is offensive why to say? Is it their problem you gained some weight? (Unless your health is the concern but its udually not the issue..) If its problm for your husband you will talk about it BETWEEN YOU 2. Its your business ONLY.Seriously..because of this I nearly havent friends at all..because I always found ppl judgy..and I might be too sensible or just get angry too soon I feel uncomfy for examlle to eat with someone who thinks 'oh she is not a size 0 she souldnt eat that much'...
    You talked from the bottom of my heart.
    Allah created you and u r perfect the way You Are.noone is allowed to judge...

  2. I completely feel your pain, I've heard a few of these too. It's just as bad coming from strangers or from loved ones. No one has any right to pass judgement on another, and I'm ashamed to say that I do it sometimes too, though I'm trying to better myself.

  3. Anonymous03 June, 2014

    Salam Sister,

    I feel your frustration. Why are people so judgemental?
    I have a friend who loves to criticise everything about my house, the way I dress my kids etc
    I honestly feel that there must be some element of insecurity within theses people because why else would they constantly point out the negatives.

    Keep strong and try to ignore the comments.

  4. I think you should not socialise with such little minded people :(

    1. I agree, but I'm related to half of them....
      Unless you have any good ideas about how we can scare them away...

  5. Anonymous03 June, 2014

    I'm sorry such things are said so easily. We have enough problems in life to have to hear thoughtless things. Add to the daughter, "And your mother doesn't mind her own spots and wonky teeth either!" Good sisters in Islam should support each other not bring each other down.May Allah guide us all.

  6. Anonymous06 June, 2014

    well said! :) kindness is faith but i understand it's hard to put up with "stupid" comments. sigh...this happens to everyone unfortunately, single sisters too especially hearing insecure comments from often unhappily jealous married women. may allah (swt) only surround us with kind people.

  7. Anonymous28 June, 2014

    I have similar relatives, in particular an aunt who always put me and my sisters down about fairness/darkness of skin, weight etc. When I noticed she was making similar statements about my daughter I decided not to put my daughter through the mental anguish of constant criticism and have broken off the relationship with that side of the family, only visiting on my own when absolutely necessary. If you can't change people like that it is better to avoid them altogether.
    Love the blog. Xx