This weekend and this morning have been a lesson for me. I realise I have not been my Happy Mama self for a long time. I spent the whole weekend moping, feeling tired and sad and getting cross with people. I spent most of Saturday evening working myself into a tantrum, aiming it at my husband and having one of the most miserable evenings ever. I apologised, but still let myself feel upset and angry.
I spent most of Sunday moping quietly and feeling mistreated and sorry for myself. Then I saw this 1-minute long video:
Sometimes the smallest things make such a big difference. Sometimes the things that we think are small are not. The few words on the video had the weight of the Quran and Sunnah. They totally blew me away. I made the decision to forgive and let go and it felt like a great burden was lifted from me. I enjoyed the rest of the evening spending time with Little Lady listening to nasheeds whilst I beaded and she scrap-booked and did word-searches before heading out with friends.
This morning I started to feel down again (should have ate less last night and slept more). The question came to me: “What things can I do right now to make this day the best ever?” It totally lifted me. I worked for half an hour on an application, ate some chocolate, got in touch with some friends at work and actually did some work too. A little bit of serendipity: a previous colleague got in touch to say that she was doing a community event and that there would be free stalls for crafters to sell their goods if I was interested. I am not here around then, but a friend is interested in selling cards and jewellery on my behalf so I will see by Friday if I have enough stock to consider doing this.
Spent the rest of the evening chatting to Kooky Little Sister and her friend, making more bracelets, giving the kids the loooongest bath ever (I swear they come out of the bath about eight shades lighter), eating leftover's (no cooking!), calling my mum, doing a double-take at hubby looking dapper in his grey top, reading Isabel Allende's Daughter of Fortune and shopping online for Eid gifts.
The only other thing is I am still trying to get a blood test to find out why I get dopey and tired sometimes. I have been calling to book a test and getting a busy line for two weeks solid, so need to find another way, although it might have to wait till after Ramadan now. I also need to take a serious look at my sleeping habits as I think this might be playing a role too. 12pm and 1am seem to have become the norm and now that the night prayer is getting earlier, that’s no longer an excuse (you should see the scene at our house at dawn with my mother-in-law knocking on everyone’s doors and shouting at us whilst me and hubby elbow each other in the ribs. Then hubby gets up and shouts at his brothers. Have no idea how the kids sleep through this). I just have this ridiculous urge to always want to do more. Now if I worked less and had the time to do stuff I liked more… as my husband says, I have to think about what is important and what has to be given priority and I have to value sleep and rest more.