Wednesday 5 March 2008

Sunshine on a Rainy Day

I’m just counting the things that are keeping me sane. Defo writing for this blog, my children, Mr Removal Man (aka Hubby) and his offerings of free furniture we don’t need, my reading books, reading the Quran and salah though not in any order.

After the last but one post complaining of boredom, Allah gave me what I was asking for alhamdulillah. I have been rushed off of my feet at work with the phones and e-mails going at a manic rate, the Mayor asking for a huge report from my team ASAP and all of the old ladies in the borough somehow having found my direct line to complain about their flat/benefits/care/blood pressure and how it wasn’t like this in the good ol’ days. I’ve reduced Little Lady’s Arabic lessons to half an hour to make it easier on both of us, but have started Little Man on tracing shapes and letters in preparation to start practising his alphabet. In reality though, I have been struggling to keep everything going and have been resenting having to do so much. This continued until two days ago, when I gave in, put the kids to bed without a kiss or story and just cried through my esha salah. Felt much better, but made the mistake of not saying anything to hubby so was still upset yesterday. He finally got fed-up of the long face and my denials
(you ok?
whats wrong
nothing…long sigh
what’s the matter?
I’m ok…long sigh)
and made me tell him what was wrong and then told me off for trying to do more than I felt okay with.

So this morning decided to give the walk to work a miss and take the bus. Packed a proper breakfast (herbal tea, brown roll with cheese, apple, pear, banana, Clementine’s and little tub of pasta), which I am still working on and had a treat for lunch (traditional fat chips) and have given myself a break to write this as my working day draws to an end.

Might take up hubby’s idea to have a nap till Maghrib when I get home, rather than rush straight into shift two as soon as I get home. He has also kindly agreed to listen to Little Lady go through her previous Arabic lessons and let me take over when she gets to her current lessons.

In reality, Allah has blessed with more than we deserve or could even think to ask for. Sometimes we lose sight of how blessed we are, when so many others are suffering so. I will always recall the morning when I went to work feeling teary because I didn’t feel like leaving my children and the morning paper carried an article about pregnant women in Africa suffering from Aids and waiting to see if the child they were carrying would have it. Of a woman who received the drugs to safeguard her child from the syndrome but couldn’t keep them down and could not get a second dose before she gave birth and passed the illness to her newborn. I felt truly ashamed that day and always think of that woman, who may not even be alive now. I think of how many would go to any lengths to take my place, a young woman with her health intact, with her healthy children and her kind husband, with the opportunities to educate herself and the ability to earn enough for what she needs or wants.

The one thing that always brings me out of my moping or self-pity is Allah’s promise that:

“no burden do We place on any soul, but that which it can bear” - Sûrah 6.152.

1 comment:

  1. UmmSalihah!

    Assalamu alaykum. My favorite part of your writing is your structure: a clear introduction, a juicy middle with internal quality, and a fine conclusion that is always uplifting and positive.

    Been having some pre-baby blues here. Jazzakullah for reminding me of how lucky I am :)