My maternity leave started officially yesterday, although I have been on leave for the last two weeks. I have been trying to keep myself occupied so that I don’t go crazy. Thankfully nesting has hit like crazy and I have been dragging out furniture and cleaning corners that I previously pretended didn't exist and rearranging every cupboard and draw in the house. I am running out of nooks and crannies now, so hubby will have to watch out or his stuff is next!
The last few days have been challenging. I have been having very strong Braxton Hick (or “fake”) contractions daily and possibly about one big contraction a day (usually in the morning), which isn't really enough to get me anywhere near getting a baby out.
Some days I keep myself busy enough to pass the time and on others I have to keep reminding myself to have sabr, but on the whole I have been getting along. Yesterday was very tough though. I think my heart really did just drop into my shoes and I just felt like giving up and crying in a heap somewhere.
My mum called me with good news about one of my friends who had just had a little girl after three boys. I was soooo happy for her and can’t wait to go see her and share her happiness. At the same time her due date was the same as mine and I started to feel cheated, as if I had been left behind. Very childish I know, but after a full day of sore ribs, swollen feet, sore back, painful stomach and being unable to sit, lie down or move comfortably or eat or breathe much, I just couldn't take any more.
The following conversation with hubby ensued:
Me: ”I can’t take any more!!!!! I'm fed up, this is never going to end”
Hubby: “Think of the rewards Allah gives to a pregnant woman”
Me: “X had hers by c-section, it didn't even hurt”
Hubby: “But you’ll get more reward than her”
Me: “Y had hers two weeks early!”
Hubby: “You’ll get more reward then her too”
Me: “Can’t I just read salat-al-tasbih for reward instead?”
Hubby: “What you are going through has more reward than anything”
Me: “I can’t breathe and I can’t sit down either, what am I supposed to do?!”
At this point, hubby took me out for a bit, which helped. We left the kids with their gran and went to visit my second cousin who has just had a baby boy by ceasarian section. I ended up enjoying the visit and coming home feeling better. I kept telling that everything happens at its appointed time and that every life has its time to begin and end as decided by Allah (SWT).
In the middle of last night (in between my usual 3-4 trips to the loo) a strange thing happened. I could suddenly breathe!! What things we take for granted. How amazing it felt! The baby seems to have moved down a bit, although not massively. So now it is even harder to sit, but I can breathe. I have been luxuriating in deep breaths all morning. Subhan’Allah, Allah (SWT) tests us, but as promised, He sends us reprieve too.
“Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease.” ~ Al- Quran 65:7
“Surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surely with every difficulty there is relief.” ~ Al- Quran (94:5-6)
"Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity." ~ Al-Quran (2: 286).
“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.” ~ Al-Quran (31: 14)