I have been feeling funny lately. Lethargic, anti-social, lazy, not very interested in anything.
I start a hundred things and can’t seem to go anywhere near finishing any of them. Books I have read two chapters of are piling up on my bedside table, a pile of cards I have started and not finished and lots of ideas for jewellery where I have chosen the beads and then not done anything with them. I haven’t been anywhere near my computer, so no blogging and not much in the way of e-mailing friends and answering e-mails (sorry!!).
I still have this annoying cough and sore throat which means I have had a different voice every day for the last three weeks or so, although I am seeing the doctor tonight and will be haranguing him for antibiotics. I’m also going to be asking for blood tests to try and find out why I get tired and sleepy so much more quickly than I used to when I seem to be doing less.
There are some other things on the horizon which are taking up my mental space and energy. I am trying to set up my computer so I can work one day a week from home insh’Allah. At the same time I am gearing up to ask my employers if I can work four days instead of three (with one of those four at home). As our service is currently being reviewed and the indications on the grapevine are that all local authority services will be reviewed every year for the next five years, this feels like a bit of a scary time to do this, but I keep reminding myself that our needs are not met by employers but by Allah (SWT) and that things will happen only as he intends.
At the same time I have had such a positive response to my jewellery (pictures soon insh'Allah) and the tasbih I made for my mum-in-law that I am thinking about selling them. I have thought about pricing, sourcing materials and websites, but my main issue at the moment is time, so I need to do a bit more thinking still and ask Allah (SWT) to place barakah (blessing) in my time and I need to be thoughtful about which things are good for me to take on.
The other issue is that I booked leave in October to go to Pakistan for three weeks for my two brothers-in-laws’ weddings. Hubby suggested today that I cancel the leave and book three weeks during Ramadan to go with him to Germany instead to work with some masjids who are doing dawah work. Although I am a bit apprehensive, my feeling is that I asked Allah (SWT) to give me the opportunity to walk in the path that most pleases him, so how can I turn this down? I have asked for the leave and it is with my manager to consider, so it will be a case of if Allah (SWT) wills.
I have already had a small difference with my manager over leave and negotiating working one day less and her response had me really annoyed, until I realised that even the most annoying situation can benefit you if you let them. My boss mentioned having a five year plan and making career decisions and life decisions according to that longer plan rather than on a whim. It brought back to me the importance of thinking things through and balancing all of the aspects of your life and of looking at the long-term consequences of your actions. The manager said that she believed every woman should have a 5 year plan and perhaps she had a point. So I am looking at the aspects of my life which are important or take up the most resource: children and family, faith, work, business, creativity and how I can take time and energy from one (work) and methodically move it to another (children) through small steps like working less, working from home or perhaps through trying to create a different stream of income than my current job. Alhamdulillah life has the potential to get very interesting in the next few months.