Friday 28 December 2018

Terrible Teens

There are days when the boys are just too much for me. I have no idea how my mother-in-law raised five boys without any help at all. Today has been one for those days and I have told my two boys to stay well away from me because I just cannot take any more.

My older son, previously mild-mannered and sweet natured, is quick to anger and is very liberal with his hands at the moment, pushing, shoving and tripping his younger brother.

My youngest is easy going and silly, but responds to every touch at the top of his lungs as if he is being murdered and also by swearing.  He then takes his frustration out at me:
“You let him hit me”
“You don’t stop him”
“You don’t care”
“You don’t deal with it, why should I listen to you”
All this before I have had the chance to talk to his older brother.
He also misses no chance to irritate his brother, answer him back or provoke an argument.

I have had about eighteen months of this and it has worn me down.  The boys spent the last three days in Hastings with their dad and it has been peaceful and calm.  Then last night they returned and the nonsense started again.  I have spent the whole day mediating and consoling.  Except I don’t want to do it anymore.  I am tired of chasing, holding back, telling eight times or shouting.  Right now my voice is hoarse and my I just don’t want to face anyone.

The last straw was when they kicked off in front of guests today. For the hour that they were here I don’t think we could have one sensible conversation.  I would expect that from little ones, except the babies were as good as anything.  But from an 11 and 13 year old, I expect better.  They spent the hour fighting, complaining, arguing and in Gorgeous’ case crying.  I had to drag them out and then shout at them in front of guests.  I was so embarrassed.

As soon as the guests left, I called their dad and complained and asked him to start taking them to work with him on days they are not at school.  A bit of hard work might help use up the spare energy and teach them some manners.  Hubby is not keen, but I am going to insist I think.

I sometimes look back at my approach of gentle parenting and allowing my children to have a voice and disagree with me respectfully and wonder if has backfired.  Perhaps those parents that put the fear of God in their children and take a more authoritarian approach have the right idea and maybe a more peaceful life.  I wonder where the boundaries around hitting, bad language, respecting your parents and behaving in front of guests have fallen away.  If I get a repeat of today I’m not sure what I will do, but for the time being they seem to have realised I have hit my limit and gotten very quiet.

1 comment:

  1. SubhaanAllah. I have 2 boys, 4 n half year old n 2 year old.
    I don't know what think or expect. I too wonder where the limit is. You must be so stressed out. I don't know what to say to console you, except the dua of the parents fir their offspring is not in vain. Make dua for them and for yourself. Look at the duas made by the property and use them. Also I think maybe their dad talking to them might have more weight, he's a Male like them and since generally children are more respectful of their dads. Sorry mama, I'm sure you're trying your best. May Allah reward you abundantly and unite your children's hearts. Ameen

    P.S. I remember hearing a dua being given to increase love between people: Allahumma allif bayna quloobina (not sure of the exact meaning but roughly translates into Oh Allah unite our hearts).

    Lots of love and dua for you. Aisha x