Monday 1 December 2014

To My Best Friend...

Sometimes you feel invincible, as if everything is under control and you can handle whatever come at you - empowered, strong, capable.  Then there are times when nothing seems to make sense and you can't even seem to manage your day to day life.  It's at times like these that I really appreciate the difference a good word can make.

I have been down in the dumps recently.  I didn't want to write, I didn't want to blog, I didn't even really see the point of getting up in the morning.  I felt like a hypocrite for calling this blog Happy Muslim Mama because for some days I haven't been.  I was scared I was falling into depression, where nothing mattered and I couldn't rouse myself to do anything.

I have been worrying about the baby as she hasn't been gaining enough weight and the health visitor has referred me to the doctor who is now monitoring her weight.  After successfully nursing four children (including Darling for 14 months), I don't seem to be able to get it right with number five.  It was starting to feel as if everyone was looking at me as if I am starving my baby.

I've also been worrying about money as hubby's work is very quiet at the moment.  These two things seem to have set me off, so that all the little things that I can ignore are now really upsetting me.  The state of the house which really needs refurbishing, being much less mobile with two babies, not being able to do all those projects I had thought up for myself.

Worse than all of these is my hyper-sensitivity to other people - I have been taking slight at things I usually ignore and getting angry at everyone.

I love my sisters, but none of them seem to deal with the same things, so although they are good to talk to, they don't always understand. (writing that is making me wonder about all of the things that they must deal with that I don't understand)

I love my parents with all my heart, but boy can they push my buttons sometimes and send me into a tizzy of hurt and angry tears.

I adore hubby, he is my rock and my safe place alhamdulillah, but I think he sometimes doesn't get what on earth I am on about (I don't think there is a word in Urdu for burnout).  It's at times like these that our cultural differences become very apparent.  Plus I've come to realise how intensely we can affect each others moods and mental states, my being down has been bad for him too, even more reason for me to get my mojo back.

So it's at times like this when I sit in the bathroom and sob quietly so that the kids can't see me, when I beg in my prayers for peace, but don't actually know what's wrong.  It's at times like this when I berate myself for being so down and call myself lazy and ungrateful and the term "first world problems" comes to mind.

At's at times like these when I start to feel as if I am dealing with it all alone, that my best friend reminds me I am not.  If anyone has been through everything I have and more, it is my crazy, loud mouthed, big-hearted best friend.

It took a few minutes of messaging, then talking with her for the black cloud to start to lift - some acknowledgement and understanding, some talking until we got to the heart of the matter and permission from her to take care of myself, stop trying to do things all the time and to put away our mutual old friend - guilt.

Simply the act of deferring everything on my various physical and mental to do lists for the entire weekend and clearing them from my mind and treating myself and the kids to a nice meal (putting aside the guilt of spending money unnecessarily or eating unhealthy food) has had a massive impact.

Things are starting to fall back in perspective and I'm surprised at how much I let things get to me.  I realised also that it was one of my occasional "blue periods" as I have come to call them.  I am generally upbeat and happiness is my default mood, so any time I am not happy I have to find a way to get back to my default.  But I think like many happy people, every now and again I fall into a time when I am down where resentments and anxieties come through to be dealt with.

Bestie also reminded me of the benefit of building a relationship with Allah (SWT) through reconnecting with his Word and turning to the Quran when you need guidance.  Truly the best advice that she could have given me.

So to my best friend...dear sis you made all the difference just when I needed you, I hope I am never without your craziness and knowing that at least one person 100% has my back.

If there is one person I would want to be a mischievous old lady with, I know who it is!


  1. Assalamu alaikom sister, I have been visiting your blog for a while now and even though I am not Pakistani, I can relate to a whole lot you're saying. But we're muslims and above all we're human. When I read this post I just was eager to comment. I have a six month old daughter and I went through the same things as you did. I also spent times in the bath room sobbing for a thousands of reasons,and my husband also was affected by my emotional roller coaster. Wa li Llaahi Alhamd. It has nothing to do with not being grateful. I think it's all about the changes and hormones and feeling less about yourself (at least, this is how I experienced it). Cherish your best friend, people like her are rare. Unfortunately I don't really have a friend where I live right now but gair in shae Allah. I am aware that I will always have Allaah Most High and of course my husband whom I can talk to about many things, walhamdulillaah.. May Allah strengthen you and give you sabr. From what I'm reading you're doing a great job ma shae Allaah. With love..

  2. Salam sister. I have also had a baby recently and going through similar thing. Reminding myself that things will take care of themselves and this is just another day which keeps me going. One of my children is a picky eater and I have learned that as long as she is healthy everything is OK. Not all our children are the same. Allah has a way to provide. Keep your faith on Him and everything should be fine. You are not alone sister.

  3. Thank you so much sister for this honest and lovely post. May Allah (swt) bless you for all your good works!

  4. Assalamualaikum sister! I'm not married yet, nor have a baby of course but I really can feel your pain. Ever since my sister had her baby girl, I feel like I've become a mother. I don't have time for myself now. Work and my niece take it all. But still Allah thought it was good for us, so we accept it and go ahead. I hope you can overcome your mental jeopardy soon and May Allah bless you and your friend as well. :)

  5. Best friend and kindred spirit for life inshaallah! Xxxxxxxx

  6. i don't think that you are being hyprocritcal when you call your blog, happy muslim mama, even when your not always happy. it's natural to be worried about things and sad about this, and even angry about things, it doesn't mean that your being hypocritical, surely your not going to change the name of your blog to match every emotion you may be feeling throughout the days or weeks.

  7. Chin can do this.

  8. UPs & Downs are part of Life, but we should remain thankful to Allah in every situation.
    as Allah says in Holy Quran
    لَئِنْ شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ
    If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]
    (Qur’an 14:7)

  9. Actually every human being is different from others. You have survive your own life. Thanks for sharing your experience. Every Muslimah should read this post to learn from you.

  10. Just came across your blog and I'm so happy to read that there is a happy ending to your post. I'm genuinely happy for you that you have been ableto work things out. I pray that you are always smiling Inshallah.

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  11. I just went into a similar phase like you but during my VACATION. It does not make sense, I know. it's nuts how the time I'm suppose to feel at peace, relaxed, and happy, I become even more miserable. I don't know what it is. Maybe life back at home isn't what I want for myself, so I come home to my parents house to relax but found myself even more depressed.