Friday 18 January 2013

The Waiting Game – Love and Sabr


One of the biggest challenges in my life has been my lack of patience.  It is something I have worked hard to improve in myself over the last decade so that I can become a kinder and gentler wife and mother and to please Allah (SWT) who says:

“And be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are patient.”  – Al-Quran (8:46)

Aisha (RA) reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “O Aisha, Allah is gentle and He loves gentleness, and He rewards for gentleness what is not granted for harshness; and He does not reward anything else like it.” - Sahih Muslim, Book 32, Number 6273


So these last few days have been ever so hard for me.  Hubby has been in South Africa for two months visiting his sheikh and doing dawah (missionary) work in Johannesburg and Cape Town.  He flew back to the UK on Wednesday and had to go straight to the north to Dewsbury where the dawah organisation is based to give an update on what had been happening.  He called me from there and told me he’d be back home the following day (a six hour drive home).

I made sure the house was spotless and the kids were clean and nicely dressed.  I found something nice to wear and cooked his favourite food.  I was stoked he was coming home a day earlier than planned and as I had told people the original return date, we would have him to ourselves for a whole day.  Then I waited and waited some more.  I got a call yesterday that the elders in the dawah organisation had asked him to stop by till the evening.  We were not sure why, whether it was to welcome other groups of people travelling to the UK for dawah works (there was one group due from Bangladesh yesterday), to give more information about his trip or whether they were going to ask to spend another two months in the path of Allah (SWT).

He asked me what he should say if they ask him to spend two more months.  I could not say no.  We will never have another chance like this.  I am on maternity leave on full pay and can cover our costs of living, once I go back to work, he will be with the kids for part of the day and there won’t be another chance for him for a long time.  I told him if he feels the need to go, I will support him.  That moment yesterday was so excruciating, perhaps one of the hardest I can remember and I know it was very, very hard for him too.

The two months preceding were not as tough as this, I sent him on his way knowing that we were in Allah (SWT)’s care and with plans of how to use the time productively while he was away.  But the excitement of his return and then the possibility of not seeing him for another two months was a whole different feeling.  I am waiting to hear today if he is coming back.  I know he would not return without calling me first (as it is the sunnah to send a message before you return from a trip), but al day every time a car drove past the house, I would rush to the window to see who it is.

I once found out through my husband that a wonderful friend of mine once gave all of her gold jewellery to the local masjid which was being built at the time.  If you know Pakistani women and their emotional and cultural attachment to gold (and the fact that gold is now too expensive for ordinary people to buy), then you know what a big thing this is.  I wondered how she had gotten the nerve to let it all go (may Allah (SWT) reward her abundantly insh’Allah).  Now I realise that it is not always the most expensive thing you should give away but the thing that is most valuable and precious to you.  For me these are my children and my husband.

I believe that what you spend or give away in the path of Allah (SWT) is what will be preserved for you with Allah (SWT) in the next life for all eternity.  There is nothing more precious to me than my relationship with my dear, kind, selfless husband.  The sacrifice of two more months without him is nothing to the thought of earning a forever right next to him in return.

At the same time, these last two months have been a lesson in miracles for me.  It was as if Allah (SWT) eased the feeling of loneliness that I so feared.  I made new friends with local sisters who are strong in their faith, I saw how protective and caring my family are (including my extended family) towards me and the children.  I found the Arabic course I have longed to do for years, sitting right at home, learning whilst the kids are safe in bed and the baby plays nearby.  More than once my heart has yearned for something and I have seen it appear in front of me – a cousin call to chat when I felt lonely, a friend appearing at the door with food when I was sick of eating my own cooking (that kept happening – Allah (SWT) knows I love food!), a neighbour drop by with her children when the house felt too quiet.

I feel like this is a time of dua’s to be accepted.  In the days before he was due back I remember thinking mostly everything I have prayed for is being accepted.  I was anxious that hubby would be back so soon and that there must be so many more things to ask Allah (SWT) for that I had not thought of whilst he was out in the path of Allah (SWT).  Maybe now I will get some more time to ask for everything I need and wish and desire.

If he does stay away for two more months, I don’t expect anyone to understand, certainly his parents will not be happy and mine will be very angry.  I don’t expect my family or friends to understand and I suspect I will have to do a lot of explaining and convincing and answer lots of angry questions.

I am okay with that.  My nice clothes are back on a hanger and I am in my cosy warm casuals, the food I cooked is in the fridge.  As I type this every time I hear a car go past my house my attention is immediately drawn to the window and my heart skips a beat, I have been listening out for the phone to ring all morning.  The snow has been falling non-stop since this morning; will school close early and the kids have to come home?  Will Gorgeous end up stuck somewhere on his school trip?  Will hubby come home today?   I am playing a waiting game.  Strangely though, I am at peace.  I have never felt as contented, at peace and grateful as I have these last two months. So whatever Allah (SWT) chooses for us, we are grateful and I feel incredibly blessed.

(O Muslims) You are the best of the peoples, you have been sent towards mankind, to enjoin good and forbid evil – Al-Quran (Al-‘Imran:110)

“And strive hard in Allah’s cause, as you ought to strive” (Al-Hajj: 78)

21 comments:

  1. Inshallah whatever happens will be, praying for you sis. Give the kids a kiss from me , if u need anything let me know x

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    1. Thanks Little Sis,
      it has really meant a lot to me knowing that you guys are there whenever I need.

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  2. Please remember all of us sisters who are still eanrestly trying to find a companion in life...
    Jzk
    Waslm

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    1. Assalam-alaikam Sister,
      I have a number of people in my life who I love very much who are in this position and I make so much dua for them as I can see they would make such good wives and mothers. May Allah (SWT) aid all of my single sisters in Islam to find husbands who are kind, patient and of good character and who come with loving in-laws insh'Allah. Ameen.

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  3. sallams sister
    inshallah Allah give you patience and strength. iam also in the same boat as you .remember us in your duas

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    1. Walaikam-assalam Sister Yasmine,
      May Allah (SWT) reward you and your family amply for your work for his deen and give you the opportunity to engage in this work again and again insh'Allah (and to make it easy for you). Ameen.

      p.s. I just stopped by your blog, your cakes and dessert tables are amazing mash'Allah

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  4. Assalamualaikum wwb sister,I stumbled across ur blog just a week ago when googling muslimah mother blogs-I'm a mother of a 1 and 3 year old-so was looking for inspiration and sanity on the islamic line of thought,I must say mashaAllah I'm hooked to ur blog and I love ur thoughts!I'm south african myself,married and living out of SA involved in deen work from my own home,my heart yearns to do more and request ur duas that Allah accept myself and my hubby in the path of Allah one day!looking forward to more great posts!Allah accept.

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    1. Walaikam-assalam WRWB Sis,
      Mash'Allah, I have met a few South African sisters through the blogosphere, I wonder what it is that makes them so warm and generous?

      May Allah (SWT) give you the opportunity to do more dawah work and to taste the sweetness and contentment it brings insh'Allah. Ameen.

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  5. Assalamu Alaykum Sis,

    I hope that as I'm typing this that your hubby is home with you and the munchkins. I completely understand why you would support him if he goes off for a further 2 months. Making family and friends understand, is another story completely!

    Fi amanillah

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    1. Walaikam-assalam Dearest Sis Washi,
      Hubby will be away for another two months and I am okay with that (Thankfully I am easily distracted and don't mull on things too deeply). Now I'm getting all the lectures from family, friends, neighbours, you name it. Never mind, still feel happy right now, so don't mind.

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  6. Masha'Allah sister. You are a true inspiration and a perfect example of pure reliance (tawakkul) on Allah. May Allah keep you and your family under his protection and sakinah. Ameen.

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    1. Assalam-alaikam Sister,
      I hope sharing my experience leads to others taking interest in Islam and in dawah insh'Allah, truly the first step is hard and then Allah makes things so easy for you.
      Ameen to your dua's Sister.

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  7. Assalam alaikum Dear Umm_Salihah,

    Subhan Allah, your thoughts are very pious. I hope I could have such clarity in my thoughts Ameen. Whichever way Allah shows you, I am sure you will make the best use of it Insha'Allah.

    Remember us in your duas.

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    1. Walaikam-assalam Dear Sis Afeefa,
      I'm not pious at all - I can see how many mistakes I make, where I lack and where I could have used this time better. Also, human beings are greedy, we are attracted towards what benefits us and it's the same with this faith and this work alhmadulillah.

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  8. MashAllah such a magical post my dearest sis! Just by reading your post I can understand how peaceful you must be feeling, mashAllah! May Allah subhana wa ta'ala reward you for every moment you are investing to please Allah subhana wa ta'ala, ameen! When our intentions are very sincere, Allah subhana wa ta'ala makes it very easy to strive. InshAllah talk to you soon. xxx

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    1. Ameen to your dua's sis. One of the things that has really helped me to make good use of this time is the course you directed me to. I can't tell you how grateful I am for showing it to me and pray that Allah (SWT) makes it a means for both of us to attain his pleasure insh'Allah. Look forward to catching up soon insh'Allah.

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  9. Assalamualaikum dear sister.
    May Allah reward you for your patience. Yes you do have patience and probably tonne of it. Two months without your husband and running the household and caring for children!
    May Allah make it easy for you and reward you for supporting your husband. It is a beautiful sacrifice that nurtures love in a home. Take crae.

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    1. Walaikam-assalam Dear Sister,
      Ameen to your dua's and jazakh'Allah-khairun for your kind words. I have had so many people tell me off and express disapproval towards my husband over the last few days, that kind words an encouragement go a long way.

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  10. Salam sister.
    I think its wonderful that you have been so understanding with your husband and have let him go. I think all of us are individuals and just because we are married and have a family doesn't mean that we can't spend some time developing our own passions and interests (religious or not). If anything it develops character for both and also allows you to miss each other and appreciate exactly what the other means to you, Inshallah increasing your respect and love for one another.

    Hope that makes sense.

    Nadia

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  11. Assalamu alaikum sister,
    As someone who has been in a similar situation I can related to what you are going through. I think it is a sign of a strong marriage whereby your husband feels he can travel and leave you to look after his home and children and its a strength of Eeman that you are happy to let him go. I've also had the comments from family and friends with them thinking badly of my hubby or thinking I'm weak for letting him travel. Alhumdulillah I have a great marriage and we appreciate each other so much more every time we are apart.
    May Allah reward you abundantly for your patience and Eeman and protect your husband on his travels and you and your children at home. And most of all May Allah give you many more years of marital bliss in dunya and an eternal life together in Jannatul Firdaws Ameen.
    Your sister in Islam, Fozia :)

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  12. I really love story! Thanks for making this very entertaining!

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